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Monday, November 19, 2012

The Fox "News" Spin Cycle ► Episode 26

Bizarro is owned by CD Comics
For all the attention given to other news stories this week, Fox "News" could have just as easily re-branded itself "The Benghazi/Petraeus Terrific Hour," although that doesn't sound as officially deceptive as "Fair and Balanced." 

However, the Fox "News" Brain Room interns spent most of the week trying to come up with a Grand Unifying Conspiracy Theory [G.U.C.T.], which would link the attack on Benghazi with David Petraeus' infidelity, while folding in the Elmo sex scandal and ending, finally, with the bankruptcy at Hostess due to rapacious unionism. However, by week's end, a G.U.C.T. seems to have eluded them. Let's get right to the low-lights.



This is now a Meta Joke: Fox "News" posted a story about Bill Maher's slip-of-the-tongue, in which it called him "Pig Maher" in the headline, as it always does. News Busters, that paragon of professional journalism, shared that story with its followers, copying the headline, which attracted the attention of Bill Maher. This tickled my funny bone. Your mileage may vary.
Now get out of my room, Bully Boy.
 
If there's really a God, Huckleberry Mike will not be a part of a Republican road to 2016.
Be afraid!!! Be very afraid!!! This is the ultimate DOG WHISTLE. Hint: It ends with reparations.
 
Broadwell knew all about Hostess, but had never met Elmo. Jill Kelly knew Elmo, but doesn't like snack cakes. You can't force a Grand Unifying Conspiracy Theory; it has to happen organically. Back to the drawing board.
Now Kristol tells us it would be okay. However, since Bill Kristol is never right . . .
That's quite the declarative headline. It's not supported by the article, however.
Early in the week Fox "News" was still waiting to hear back on its Freedom of Information Request on Elmo's emails. However, when Elmo's accuser recanted, it was all moot.
I hope her "surgury" went well, Bully Boy.
Another headline that doesn't match the story.
TRANSLATION: I'll pretend I was right all along.
The only thing that's unraveling is the Fox "News" invented scandal.
 
You're asking us?
TRANSLATION: If Hostess knew that Elmo ate Twinkies, how does that hurt Petraeus? Wait!!! What??? Twinks, not Twinkies? Oh! That's different. Never mind.

Some sore losers in Texas.
TRANSLATION: Mendacious Mitt lost the election because the Left are evil.
How fortunate that Fox "News" was able to find a Black guy that was willing to say what they are all thinking.

I am reminded of the Obama Reelection Office in Denver that was shot up by gunfire. There were any number of "vicious attacks" on people and property for supporting President Obama, but you never heard about those on Fox "News." However, poor Melissa Joan Hart. Somebody called her mean names.
Was it an Italian Jeep built in China?

Lookie here: Just a few weeks after his own sex scandal, which came on the heels of his phony movie being thoroughly debunked, Fox "News" has taken to quoting Dinesh D'Souza as a credible source all over again. Nothing to see here.
Bully Boy Bolling invites people to the Fox "News" Conspiracy Central.
"A follow-up, if I may, Jay. Has the President stopped eating Twinkies in solidarity with Kevin Clash? And, why not?"
It's a jungle out there. All week Fox "News" has been feeding people's anger on the slow recovery efforts. Well played, Fox "News."

STRATFOR on the Avon is a wonderful place to catch a play. "Room to Regroup" is a piece of experimental theater, in which a character named Petraeus encounters a set of identical twins named "Hostess One" and "Hostess Two" and they search for Big Bird only to find Elmo.

Law enforcement is probably right. In other news: My computer is virus free.
"The Petraeus Twist" is the dance that's sweeping the ocean.

We'll know as soon as you invent it, Bully Boy. BTW: The walrus was Paul.
"Even former-UN Ambassador and current Mustache-in-Waiting John Bolton said Clinton was right to attend these meetings in Australia, but that makes a horrible headline. Therefore, can we make it sound like she's ducking out to go to a wine-tasting instead?"
As with all Fox "News" headlines, this is not what you'd think. Fox "News" producer Jesse Watters hassled the people in line waiting for "Pig" Bill Maher's show to start by asking them stupid questions.

You mean White 'Merka? Sorry, that ship has sailed, Kraut the Hammer.
Because no one appearing on Fox "News" has EVER been treated unfairly. EVER!

"And, never forget, John McCain was smart enough to tap me for his VP pick, which is why I won't go away."

"And, never forget, I was smart enough to tap Sarah Palin as my VP pick, which is why she won't go away."
Kevin Clash is my nominee.


Maybe we should start a pool about how much longer KKKarl Rove will appear on Fox as a pundit. No matter who the GOP is officially blaming for the loss this week, everybody is in agreement: It's all KKKarl Rove's fault.

More sore losers.

Wait!!! What??? Who set the trap? What was it baited with?

Here's a Jon Stewart segment in which he excoriated Fox "News" for saying the exact same thing that Mendacious Mitt said. However, you'll never know about it by watching Fox "News."
Buh bye! Don't let the screen door hit you where the good Lord split . . . Oh! Wait!!! Are you one of those Atheist Libertarians or Religious Orthodox Libertarians?


Fox "News" suddenly remembered Israel. Now looking for a way to blame it on President Obama.
"QUICK! How can we blame this on President Obama?"

"QUICK! How can we blame this on President Obama?"

Because it was a ridiculous question, one which a man would never be asked.

DOG WHISTLE!!!

Now Scammity is promoting books by Jake Tapper? WTF?
Easily the stupidest thing a Republican said all week. However, Fox "News" WHITEwashed the racist implications away.

She didn't "crash" The View; she was invited on The View. She didn't get "lip" from Behar; she engaged in a conversation.

Does this mean Scammity found a way to blame attacks in Israel and Gaza on President Obama?

That fits the Fox "News" narrative.
That also fits the Fox "News" narrative, Bully Boy.

That also fits the Fox "News" narrative, Loofah Lad.


Now Fox "News" is claiming to know what Petraeus will say before the fact.

The only reason Mendacious Mitt lost the election was because he simply didn't know how to market his bullshit.
So what? Greg Gutfeld ridicules everything and everybody.

So what? Greg Gutfeld ridicules everything and everybody.
Fox "News" is still looking for a way to blame President Obama.
 
Fox "News" is still looking for a way to blame President Obama.
Fox "News" is still looking for a way to blame President Obama.

Fox "News" is still looking for a way to blame President Obama.

More class warfare from Fox "News."

Fox "News" is still looking for a way to blame President Obama.

Fox "News" is still looking for a way to blame President Obama.
Fox "News" is still looking for a way to blame President Obama.
Fox "News" is still looking for a way to blame President Obama.


Fox "News" is still looking for a way to blame President Obama.

Fox "News" is still looking for a way to blame President Obama.


Fox "News" is still looking for a way to blame President Obama.
Fox "News" is still looking for a way to blame President Obama.

Fox "News" is still looking for a way to blame President Obama.

Fox "News" is still looking for a way to blame President Obama.

Wait!!! What???
Fox "News" is still looking for a way to blame President Obama.

Fox "News" is still looking for a way to blame President Obama.

Fox "News" is still looking for a way to blame President Obama.

Fox "News" is still looking for a way to blame President Obama.

Apologies if I came off as a little repetitious this week. That's only because Fox "News" was a little repetitious this week, like every week. Hopefully, next week the so-called "news" channel will find a new Grand Unifying Conspiracy Theory. Awww . . . who the hell am I kidding? It'll be all Benghazi-gate, all the time.

See you next week for The Fox "News" Spin Cycle #27!